When the System Changes… Will Our Children Still Get Individual Help?

Recently, many parents in the SEND community have been talking about the Government’s proposed SEND reforms and the White Paper consultation… and if I’m honest, a lot of families are feeling deeply anxious, overwhelmed and unsure about what these changes could mean for their children.

I’ve spent time talking to parents, educational professionals and reading through the extensive response submitted by education and human rights solicitor Michael Charles of SinclairsLaw, who has worked in SEND law for over 30 years. His response powerfully reflects what so many parents, carers and professionals are already feeling deep down: the problem has never really been that families don’t understand the system… it’s that the system too often does not deliver what children actually need.

And honestly? I think many parents reading this will quietly nod along to that.

Because this is not just about paperwork or policies. This is about real children. Real exhaustion. Real distress. Real families trying to hold everything together whilst fighting battles they never expected to have to fight.

According to Michael Charles, parents are not appealing because they enjoy conflict or want “more” than their child needs. They are appealing because support is often delayed, reduced, ignored or not delivered at all. In fact, he highlights that the high success rate at SEND Tribunal often shows that the original decisions made about children were wrong in the first place.

That matters.

Because many parents already feel like they are constantly being forced to prove their child’s struggles over and over again. Assessments happen… but needs are still unmet. Reports are written… but recommendations are ignored. Support is promised… but somehow never fully arrives.

And while all of this is happening, families are trying to survive everyday life too.

They are managing school anxiety, emotional dysregulation, sensory overwhelm, sleep deprivation, appointments, meetings, phone calls, forms, emails, referrals, waiting lists and the invisible mental load of holding a child who is struggling in a world that often doesn’t fit them.

One of the biggest concerns is the idea of moving towards more “standardised” or “generic” support packages for children with SEND.

On the surface, that may sound organised and efficient. But Michael Charles argues strongly that SEND children cannot simply be placed into neat categories because their needs are complex, individual and constantly evolving — and as parents, we know this instinctively.

Two autistic children can present completely differently. Two children with ADHD may need entirely different support. One child may cope brilliantly academically but completely collapse emotionally after school. Another may mask all day until their nervous system simply cannot hold any more. Children are human beings — not templates.

The fear is that support could become “system-led” rather than “needs-led.” In other words, instead of asking: “What does this child truly need?” the system may start asking: “Which package does this child fit into?” That is a very different question.

Another huge concern is around EHCPs and legal protections. At the moment, detailed support written into an EHCP is legally enforceable. That means families have some ability to challenge when support is not delivered. But the proposals appear to suggest that some day-to-day provision could be moved into Individual Support Plans (ISPs), which may not carry the same legal force. Michael Charles warns this could quietly reduce children’s rights whilst appearing to simplify the system.

For many parents, that feels frightening, because families already know how difficult it can be to secure support even with legal protections in place. The idea of weakening those protections leaves many wondering: “If we struggle now… what happens then?”

There are also concerns about SEND Tribunals and families’ ability to challenge decisions.

Michael Charles strongly argues that independent oversight must remain because without it, families risk becoming trapped in endless cycles of complaints, delays and reconsiderations without meaningful resolution — and I think this is the part many people outside the SEND world do not fully understand.

Parents are often not fighting because they want conflict, they are fighting because their child is drowning.

No parent wants to spend evenings researching legislation after putting an overwhelmed child to bed. No parent wants to become an expert in SEND law, tribunal processes or evidence gathering. Most parents would give anything not to have to fight at all.

What families actually want is very simple:

• For their child to be understood.
• For support to arrive early.
• For school to feel safe.
• For professionals to listen.
• For their child to have a genuine chance to thrive.

That’s it.

One of the most powerful points in Michael Charles’ response is this:

“We do not need a more elaborate system. We need a system that does what it already promises to do.”

And honestly, that sentence landed heavily with me. Because so many families are exhausted by constant reform, new language, new pathways and endless restructuring — whilst their child is still struggling to attend school, still waiting for therapy, still masking, still anxious, still misunderstood. The issue is not simply the structure. The issue is delivery.

As parents of neurodivergent children, many of us already live in a heightened state of nervous system stress. We are hypervigilant because we have had to become hypervigilant. We are constantly scanning for problems, preparing for meetings, anticipating battles and trying to protect our children from further harm within the system. So, when proposed reforms feel uncertain or threatening, that nervous system load increases even more.

This is why community matters so much. This is why parents need spaces where they can be themselves. Spaces where they don’t have to explain every little thing. Spaces where other families simply get it.

Inside The Therapeutic Couch Facebook community, parents come together to share experiences, support one another and remind each other that they are not failing. They are parenting in an incredibly demanding system whilst trying to protect children who experience the world differently.

And through Mind Full Of Art and the wider support programmes available through the Mind Full Hub, my hope is always the same:

• To help families calm the chaos a little.
• To help children feel safer in their nervous systems.
• To help parents feel held instead of constantly battling alone.

Because behind every policy document is a child.

A child who deserves support that is individual, compassionate, timely and genuinely accessible.

And behind every exhausted parent is someone who never expected to become a fighter… but did so because they love their child beyond measure.

With love,

Lisa x